Sunday, December 28, 2008

Hunger and Anger

First off... A huge thanks to those of you who have prayed for us, sent good wishes, and left messages for us. It is highly appreciated.

Today a little of the swelling has gone down. I know our little girl is HUNGRY! We have been worried about her staying hydrated also so we have been offering her anything and everything we can think of. Last night she finally drank some pediasure stuff... It really helped her to sleep and she slept for almost 3 hours straight till her meds wore off.
Today at lunch, she was grabbing at everything on the table. She was able to eat a little bit of mushy scrambled eggs and a little bit of the inside of a meatball. For dinner she ate a little bit of meatloaf and a little mashed potatoes and gravy. Of course I have no ideal how much she is actually getting in her stomach. Her tongue is soo swollen that she really can't use it to move food around. So, she has to get the food far enough back to just swallow it down. She is getting a little more aggressive also. I know she is mad she doesn't feel good and she doesn't know why. She sees her brothers and they are up and playing yet she cannot. They eat, but she can't.

Her little brothers are suffering also. They have been asking and even demanding to have their dog back. They all began crying after church because they asked if we could go get Bucky out of doggie jail so he can come home.... I again explained that once a dog bites someone, the dog can live with people anymore. I was even promised by E that bucky wouldnt bite anymore.... E would make sure that he didnt..... It's not fair to those boys.... they saw their sister get bit... (well... we at least believe that E saw the attack...the others saw the aftermath)... now they have lost their dog too.... they dont understand.... they are too young.... they are also too young to understand that it will take a while for L to heal.... L has been sleeping with me...and they want to also.... of course I cant take that chance.... and it hurts them....I know it's not a physical pain...but still... it's pain to them...and it's not fair..... I know life isnt fair...but just wish my kids didnt have to learn that at such a young age....

Little L went down with a fight tonight..... she usually falls asleep shortly after her medicine.... It's a good thing...but still.... I'm sure it is scary for her...tonight she clawed at my face and hit me for a while...until she fell asleep....
Rationally.... I know that it's not my fault...but still.... I almost feel as if I deserve to be hit by her. I'm supposed to be protecting her. I was supposed to make sure she was safe..... thought she was..... I was wrong.... and our Little Lady is paying the price.
She is asleep now..... my beautiful little angel.... Just so thankful that her injuries are superficial....and that her brothers are mourning a dog...and not a sister......

12 comments:

Leslie said...

Yea your boys being so young think the dog learned his lesson being in "jail" so he wont do it again!!! Tots dont understand that it could happen again!!
As time goes on they will understand...
I know when i was a kid my brother was attacked by our cat and was in the hospital i was upset..So siblings get upset when their siblings get hurt we just dont always show it!!! ;o) They love each other sooo much..just wanting to sleep with you and baby L!!
Praying for you and cant wait one day to meet you!
Love and much prayers!Leslie

StefB said...

Hi Denise,
I'm Stefanie from adoption.com. Thank you for responding to my post about my toddler and cat, especially given what you're dealing with right now. It's heartbreaking to hear what has happened. My thoughts and prayers are with all of you. So much for so many little ones to deal with. I hope healing comes quickly for everyone.

Stefanie

Kerri said...

What a tough time for you and all of your little ones. I'm sure it will take a while for them to understand it all but they'll get there. And, like you said, at least they're only mourning the loss of Bucky, and not their ever beautiful sister.
Hugs and healing thoughts coming your way!!!

Katie said...

OH my goodness .. you poor things !! Sending much love and prayers to all of you

Rhonda said...

It's such a tough time to try and explain to the boys when they are so young. I am sending many hugs and prayers for your little one to continue to heal. Hugs and prayers to all of you.

Kim & Dave said...

So very sad-for all your little ones!

Hugs to the boys.....& praying more for your precious little girl-& for you.....that your heart pain will slowly become less.

Gail said...

Denise,
There is no way any part of this was your fault. Please remember that.
I was thinking about Little L. last night and taking the Tylenol with coedine. She must have something in her stomach to keep her from getting sick while taking it. The Pediasure will be very good right now.
Still praying for all of you.
Gail

Ana said...

Denise,

I am so sorry to read about this!!! There are just no words. Sending you cyber hugs!

The wounds are both physical and emotional. And they will heal, in time.

I know that it's hard for the boys to deal with the trauma of seeing their sister hurt and the irreconcilable fact that their beloved pet caused such hurt and now is gone from their lives; forever.

Big hugs! Big hugs! Big hugs! If there is ANYTHING -- I MEAN ANYTHING I can do, please let me know. Keeping you and your family in prayer and trusting in someone bigger than US to help you guys through this!!

Our Family of 5 said...

What a tough situation for you all. Sending hugs and prayers. Hoping sweet L finds some comfort and you all get some rest.

Don't beat yourself up Denise. It was not your fault. Thank god little L is going to make it.

Sending many hugs and prayers!!

Sue said...

I am SO sorry to hear about this. Please know that you and your beautiful family are in our thoughts and prayers.

Pattie said...

I am so sorry for what your whole family is going thru. The emotional and physical scars from the dog bite of your own pet take a very long time to heal. Almost 40 years ago I was bit by my dog. I still have the scars on my chest from the episode. Like you, my parents had the dog put down...they told us at the time that they took the dog to live on a farm. I was only 7 at the time, but after my physical wounds healed, I carried the guilt for many years. I felt that it was my fault that the dog bit me. And my fault that my whole family lost our dog. Sadly, pets can bite. Most likely, you aren't the only one in the family feeling guilty right now (or in the coming months/years). I hope your beautiful daughter will recover and that your whole family will find some peaceful healing.

cesbloom said...

Denise:

I am so sorry to read about what happened. I know this is very traumatic for your whole family. Please remember its not your fault. Sending many hugs and prayers that L's physical wounds and everyone's emotional wounds heal as quickly as possible.